1
00:00:03,202 --> 00:00:07,072
[♪]

2
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:10,735
[door slams]

3
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,107
Now, we'll be gone a week.

4
00:01:16,108 --> 00:01:17,308
Did you turn
off the phone?

5
00:01:17,309 --> 00:01:18,309
Yeah.

6
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:19,978
The heat, electricity,
the water?

7
00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:21,680
All shut off.

8
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,181
Al,

9
00:01:23,182 --> 00:01:24,382
Honey, do you think

10
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:26,551
We should have told
the kids we were going?

11
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,119
They'll be fine,

12
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,320
But if you're worried
about them,

13
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:30,655
You can stay here
with them.

14
00:01:30,656 --> 00:01:32,456
Of course, it won't be the same
without ya--

15
00:01:32,457 --> 00:01:34,225
I might have some fun.

16
00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:36,127
No way, al.

17
00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:37,128
I'm going too.

18
00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:38,529
After all,
if it wasn't for me,

19
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,565
We couldn't even afford
this little trip.

20
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:44,135
It was my uncle that
died and left us money.

21
00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:45,570
[doorbell rings]

22
00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:47,706
That's the mail.
That's our inheritance check!

23
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,174
[chuckles gleefully]

24
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,844
Here, give me that.

25
00:01:53,979 --> 00:01:54,979
Bill,

26
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:55,980
Bill,

27
00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:56,981
Bill.

28
00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:58,149
Here it is!

29
00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,550
All right,
get the suitcases.

30
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:01,352
We'll open it
and cash it on the way.

31
00:02:01,353 --> 00:02:02,653
Let's go.

32
00:02:02,654 --> 00:02:04,122
So long, suckers!

33
00:02:20,606 --> 00:02:22,874
Pretty low, dad.

34
00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:25,009
What tipped you off?

35
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:26,377
Well, we knew
something was up

36
00:02:26,378 --> 00:02:28,046
When you
packed us a lunch.

37
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:28,913
Peg!

38
00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:32,150
Well...

39
00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:35,353
Since you're all here,
and I have no choice,

40
00:02:35,354 --> 00:02:38,522
You may as well
hear the bad news.

41
00:02:38,523 --> 00:02:39,523
Uncle henry died.

42
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:43,061
Yay!
Yes, yes!

43
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:44,562
Fork it over, dad.

44
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:46,765
We deserve that money
just as much as you two do.

45
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:47,932
If not more.

46
00:02:47,933 --> 00:02:48,933
Let's not forget,

47
00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:50,334
When uncle henry
was losing his mind,

48
00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:53,704
I was the one who
pretended to be his mother,

49
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:55,306
And I was the one
who told him

50
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,208
To leave something
to those nice bundys.

51
00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:58,877
How much do you think
it is, mom?

52
00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:00,544
Well,
it's got to be a lot.

53
00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:02,180
You know
what a miser he was.

54
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:05,216
He was so cheap
he'd buy day-old bread,

55
00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:07,718
And why did he
do that, kids?

56
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:11,489
Kids:
It didn't matter because
he toasted it anyway.

57
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:13,391
Hey, you remember
that little song

58
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:14,793
We used to sing
about uncle henry?

59
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,594
[singing to the tune of "day-o"]

60
00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:18,062
♪ day-old ♪

61
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:20,031
♪ day-old bread ♪

62
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:23,234
♪ uncle henry
buys a-day-old bread ♪

63
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:26,104
♪ hey, mr. Baker-man
none of that fresh stuff ♪

64
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,807
♪ uncle henry
buys a-day-old bread ♪

65
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,574
Hey, hey, hey! Enough, now!

66
00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,610
Enough of that!

67
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:33,678
It's opening time.

68
00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:35,814
[laughs]

69
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:38,216
All right. Now...

70
00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,018
Working backwards...

71
00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:42,854
I see...

72
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:43,988
A seven.

73
00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:44,989
Yes.

74
00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:46,357
I see a three.

75
00:03:46,358 --> 00:03:47,692
Come on,
come on.

76
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:49,260
I see a two.

77
00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,562
What do you
see now, dad?

78
00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:54,665
I see a check for $237.

79
00:03:56,368 --> 00:04:00,104
I buffed this man's
carbuncles for $237?

80
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,841
How do you think I feel?
I was his mother.

81
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,343
All right,
$237 split four ways

82
00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:06,444
Comes to...

83
00:04:08,647 --> 00:04:10,781
To, um...

84
00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:11,850
Bud?

85
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,484
$59.25 each.

86
00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:14,552
Exactly,

87
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:16,154
And that won't even
buy a fake id.

88
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,260
So, um, the only plan
that makes sense

89
00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:23,928
Is to give it
to bud and me.

90
00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:25,330
That way,
we can split the money,

91
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,564
And get
front-row tickets

92
00:04:26,565 --> 00:04:29,067
To the tears and vomit
concert tomorrow night.

93
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:33,905
Hey, where's the fun
in this death for me?

94
00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:37,508
He was my relative,

95
00:04:37,509 --> 00:04:39,310
And I just know
he would have wanted me

96
00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:42,180
To have a bikini wax
and a nice perm.

97
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,348
Kids:
Tears and vomit.

98
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,349
Bikini wax.

99
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,350
Tears and vomit.

100
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,351
Bikini wax!

101
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,352
Tears and vomit!
Bikini wax!

102
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,553
Hey!
Kids, peg. Come on, now.

103
00:04:49,554 --> 00:04:51,089
Let's not let
our new-found wealth

104
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,624
Turn us against each other
like that family on <i>dynasty.</i>

105
00:04:56,528 --> 00:04:58,963
Come on,
let's be reasonable.

106
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:01,132
Would you prefer
that uncle henry had not died?

107
00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:03,935
No.
No.
No.

108
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,636
Well,
all right then.

109
00:05:05,637 --> 00:05:08,239
We found this money as a family,
we'll spend it as a family.

110
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,274
[doorbell rings]

111
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:10,441
I'll get that.

112
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:17,282
Hi. We just had a little
romantic lunch downtown,

113
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:20,151
And we brought a nice
prime rib bone for buck.

114
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:25,689
How nice.

115
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,959
Oh, there's
meat on it!

116
00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:30,795
[doorbell rings]

117
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,533
Now what?

118
00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:36,434
Ow!

119
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,603
What marcy means is,
"you're welcome."

120
00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:40,604
Well,
since you're imposing,

121
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:42,273
Let me ask you a question.

122
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:44,909
As you can see, our house
is in great sadness.

123
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,477
We inherited a check

124
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:48,313
For $237.

125
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:49,914
We don't know
what to do with it.

126
00:05:49,915 --> 00:05:50,915
Well, let's see--

127
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,450
Charm school,

128
00:05:52,451 --> 00:05:53,851
Car muffler,

129
00:05:53,852 --> 00:05:55,253
High hedges...

130
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:59,123
Your own newspaper
subscription.

131
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:01,659
Your own
garbage cans.

132
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:02,860
Bail money
for the children.

133
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:04,228
Nah.

134
00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:05,430
To hell with the future.

135
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,897
I'm talking about now, steve.

136
00:06:06,898 --> 00:06:09,500
Well, in that case, you could
pay back the money you owe us.

137
00:06:09,501 --> 00:06:10,701
Hey, a man just died here,

138
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:12,303
And I'm sure
he gave us this money

139
00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:14,505
Not to pay you back,
but for us to have fun.

140
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:15,506
As a matter of fact--

141
00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:18,509
Kelly, what were his last words?

142
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:21,612
[mumbles incoherently]

143
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,017
There you go, steve.

144
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,852
You can't deny a man
his death wish.

145
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:30,021
I'm going to have to
ask you to leave.

146
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:33,057
We're about
to have dinner.

147
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,725
I have a suggestion.

148
00:06:34,726 --> 00:06:37,395
Why don't you take the money
and go out to a nice restaurant?

149
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,731
Get all dressed up,
find someplace elegant,

150
00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:43,034
And get something to eat,
for god's sake.

151
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:47,472
Ooh,
that's a good idea.

152
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:51,042
We did that once, al,
you remember?

153
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,144
It was right after
kelly was born.

154
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:55,746
Mom gave us some money
to buy her booster shots,

155
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,148
But she was
crying so much,

156
00:06:57,149 --> 00:07:00,184
We just decided
to go out instead.

157
00:07:00,185 --> 00:07:01,852
You know,
her whooping cough

158
00:07:01,853 --> 00:07:04,188
Only lasted
a couple of weeks,

159
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:06,157
But the memories
of that meal

160
00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:08,826
Will last us a lifetime.

161
00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:12,430
Oh, let's do it,
honey.

162
00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:14,565
Let's go
have a nice meal.

163
00:07:14,566 --> 00:07:16,700
You never
take me out anymore.

164
00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:18,436
Well...

165
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:19,437
Why not?

166
00:07:20,672 --> 00:07:21,906
Hey, kids,
what do you say?

167
00:07:21,907 --> 00:07:23,908
You want to go out for
a nice dinner tomorrow?

168
00:07:23,909 --> 00:07:26,077
We want to see
tears and vomit.

169
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,946
Well, you can see that
when your mom cooks.

170
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:31,815
Come here, kids.

171
00:07:34,186 --> 00:07:36,587
Just have a
seat right here.

172
00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:37,955
Now, kids,

173
00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:40,724
How often do we get to
do things as a family?

174
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:41,926
You know, besides

175
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:44,295
Getting grandma bundy
out of the drunk tank?

176
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,164
All right, then.
It's settled.

177
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,765
Now, tomorrow we'll get
in our fancy duds,

178
00:07:47,766 --> 00:07:49,033
We'll gas up
the old war-wagon,

179
00:07:49,034 --> 00:07:50,834
And we'll dine
like royalty.

180
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,539
Dog's got our food!

181
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,474
Dog's got
our food!

182
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,080
[slow jazz playing]

183
00:08:07,953 --> 00:08:10,254
Ooh. Ahh.

184
00:08:10,255 --> 00:08:11,722
God,
this is great.

185
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,692
Yeah, that's it.
Show your lack of breeding.

186
00:08:14,693 --> 00:08:18,463
Now, be quiet
and let me handle everything.

187
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,530
Uh, reservations

188
00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:23,801
For mr. Warren beatty
and family.

189
00:08:23,802 --> 00:08:25,936
Uh,
right this way, sir.

190
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:29,907
Hey, now,
look at that steak.

191
00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:31,675
Now, I want
something like that.

192
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:33,978
Wow, and look at
that bald guy's chicken.

193
00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:35,246
The rolls
look good, too.

194
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:36,247
Could you
cut into that

195
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:37,648
So I can see
how it looks?

196
00:08:37,649 --> 00:08:39,450
How much does it cost
for something like that?

197
00:08:39,451 --> 00:08:41,051
How much does
a steak like that cost?

198
00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:42,453
That corn
looks good--

199
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:44,021
This way, please.
Your table's waiting for you.

200
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:50,995
Oh.

201
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,699
Before you
see a menu,

202
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,301
Would anyone care
to begin with a cocktail?

203
00:08:57,302 --> 00:08:59,103
Coke.
Coke.

204
00:08:59,104 --> 00:09:00,104
Coke.

205
00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:01,839
Jack and a beer back.

206
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:07,845
It's, um,
slang that the kids use.

207
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:09,880
It means coke.

208
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,384
Isn't this
beautiful, kids?

209
00:09:19,924 --> 00:09:21,225
Good evening.

210
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:24,195
I'm paul, and I'll be
your waiter for tonight.

211
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:26,197
Would you care to hear
about our fresh fish?

212
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,933
Uh, yeah.
Maybe after dinner.

213
00:09:29,934 --> 00:09:31,469
Right now, give us four steaks.

214
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:32,803
Nuke 'em.

215
00:09:32,804 --> 00:09:34,672
Very good. Potato?

216
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:36,106
Well, how much is the potato?

217
00:09:36,107 --> 00:09:39,009
Well,
it comes with the meal.

218
00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:41,279
Potatoes
for everybody.

219
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,280
Vegetables?

220
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,582
Oh,
we don't eat vegetables.

221
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,850
Of course.

222
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:48,452
[band playing "moon river"]

223
00:09:51,022 --> 00:09:52,323
Hey, kids.

224
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:53,691
You wanted
to see a band,

225
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:55,125
We wanted a meal,

226
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:56,627
<i>Voila.</i>

227
00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:59,797
Yeah, dad.
They're the coolest.

228
00:09:59,798 --> 00:10:02,166
I seem to recognize
"moon river,"

229
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:04,134
One of my
personal favorites.

230
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:07,004
Al,

231
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:08,706
You want to dance?

232
00:10:08,707 --> 00:10:10,107
You wouldn't mind,
peg?

233
00:10:10,108 --> 00:10:12,376
Of course not,
I'd love it.

234
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:13,578
[chuckling]

235
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:16,747
Would you like
to dance with me?

236
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,485
Dance with me,
you moron.

237
00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:29,893
Look at them, kel.

238
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,962
Old-a-rama.

239
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:34,332
You are
a soulless troll.

240
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,333
I think it's romantic

241
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,734
That two dinosaurs
like mom and dad

242
00:10:36,735 --> 00:10:39,237
Still care enough
about each other to dance.

243
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,371
I mean, look at them.

244
00:10:40,372 --> 00:10:42,373
You can see how much
they really love each other.

245
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:45,509
Couldn't you even
wear deodorant, you pig?

246
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:51,249
Gee, you didn't

247
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,450
Wear quite enough
hairspray tonight, peg,

248
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,017
I can still smell
your breath.

249
00:10:56,788 --> 00:10:58,789
Hey, kel.

250
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,958
Watch me have some fun
with this waiter.

251
00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:02,126
[clears throat]

252
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,469
[clears throat]

253
00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:25,483
[both clear throats]

254
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:27,752
Uh, excuse me,

255
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:29,086
Young people.

256
00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:31,355
How would you like me
to kill you?

257
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:34,659
That will be all.

258
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:42,933
♪ two drifters ♪

259
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:45,836
♪ off to see the world ♪

260
00:11:45,837 --> 00:11:48,506
♪ there's such
a lot of world ♪

261
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:51,942
♪ to see ♪

262
00:11:51,943 --> 00:11:54,945
♪ we're after ♪

263
00:11:54,946 --> 00:12:00,518
♪ the same rainbow's end ♪

264
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:03,387
♪ waiting 'round the bend ♪

265
00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:07,157
♪ my huckleberry friend ♪

266
00:12:07,158 --> 00:12:10,461
♪ moon river ♪

267
00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:12,062
♪ and ♪

268
00:12:12,063 --> 00:12:15,333
♪ me ♪

269
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:22,606
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know,

270
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:26,009
But at least
she's not a hundred.

271
00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:27,010
Thanks, al.

272
00:12:27,011 --> 00:12:28,512
Hey, you're my woman.

273
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:35,319
Chow time! Chow time!

274
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,687
Chow time! Chow time!

275
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:37,822
Chow time! Chow time!

276
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:38,823
Chow time! Chow time!

277
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:39,824
Okay.

278
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:40,825
Okay, now, everybody.
Dig in,

279
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:41,826
But watch
your fingers.

280
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,227
Hey, hey, now.
Kids, wait a minute.

281
00:12:43,228 --> 00:12:44,462
We're not at home.

282
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,030
This is a special evening
and a special meal,

283
00:12:47,031 --> 00:12:48,632
And I think
we should say our thanks

284
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:49,500
By saying grace.

285
00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:54,605
<i>Look at that steak.</i>

286
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:57,508
<i>I think</i>
<i>I'm getting sexually excited.</i>

287
00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:01,679
<i>I knew you were supposed</i>
<i>to cook a potato.</i>

288
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,281
<i>I knew it, I knew it.</i>

289
00:13:04,282 --> 00:13:06,917
<i>This food could be trouble.</i>

290
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,252
<i>They're all going to like it,</i>

291
00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:09,987
<i>And then they're going to</i>
<i>look at me.</i>

292
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:17,762
<i>And, lord,</i>
<i>I'd just like to say,</i>

293
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:20,698
<i>Other people get to</i>
<i>eat like this all the time.</i>

294
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,333
<i>Animals at the zoo</i>
<i>eat better than me,</i>

295
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:25,002
<i>And more often, I might add.</i>

296
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:29,339
<i>Don't I rate</i>
<i>as much as a jackal gets?</i>

297
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:30,841
<i>Thanks for listening.</i>

298
00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:32,476
<i>Your friend, al.</i>

299
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,613
Amen.

300
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:36,814
Let's eat!

301
00:13:40,318 --> 00:13:42,486
[snorting and grunting]

302
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:46,590
[gruffly]
a roll!

303
00:13:50,995 --> 00:13:51,862
Butter!

304
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:03,441
[both moaning with pleasure]

305
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,225
Yeah. Was that eating
or was that eating?

306
00:14:22,226 --> 00:14:23,427
You know,
there's only one way

307
00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:25,596
To top off
a meal like that.

308
00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:26,864
Cigar?
No.

309
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:30,200
Oh, waiter.
Got a newspaper there?

310
00:14:30,201 --> 00:14:31,401
Waiter:
Right away, sir.

311
00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:34,171
Yep.

312
00:14:37,976 --> 00:14:39,477
Al:
♪ moon river ♪

313
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:54,492
I feel like
the queen of England.

314
00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:58,929
Al, honey,

315
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,130
You sure we have
enough money

316
00:15:00,131 --> 00:15:01,298
To pay for this meal?

317
00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:02,766
Yep, that's why I only
ordered myself

318
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:04,502
A cup of coffee.

319
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:07,605
Yep, I figured it all out,
it comes to $225.57.

320
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,206
That includes tax,
which I know all about

321
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:10,741
Because I'm in
the business world.

322
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:11,775
Oh, garkarooni.

323
00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:13,110
Check, please.

324
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:16,747
Yep.

325
00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:17,848
How much is it, al?

326
00:15:17,849 --> 00:15:18,849
$225.57.

327
00:15:22,654 --> 00:15:24,454
Ha ha ha.

328
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:26,790
Ha ha ha.

329
00:15:29,193 --> 00:15:30,594
[laughs weakly]

330
00:15:30,595 --> 00:15:32,897
I forgot my wallet, peg.

331
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:34,765
Such a nerd.

332
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:36,834
Come on now,
kids.

333
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:39,069
Give your daddy
a chance.

334
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,372
What are you
going to do, idiot?

335
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:43,941
Well,
let's not panic.

336
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:45,275
I mean,
if we keep calm,

337
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:46,677
We can still
get through this thing

338
00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:47,878
With a little bit
of dignity.

339
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:50,047
You want me
to throw a fit on the floor

340
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:52,950
Like I do
when we can't pay at denny's?

341
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,685
That was for $3.95.

342
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,854
For $225, they let you
swallow your tongue

343
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:58,321
Before they call an ambulance.

344
00:15:58,322 --> 00:16:00,190
Kelly,

345
00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:01,559
Take the car keys,

346
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,160
Look at what
mommy married,

347
00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:04,294
And bring back our money.

348
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:05,395
Oh, oh, and,
kelly--

349
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,931
I know, I'll be careful.

350
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,331
No, no,
I don't care about that.

351
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:10,034
Just don't change
my radio station.

352
00:16:14,405 --> 00:16:16,406
Would you like me to take
your check now, sir?

353
00:16:16,407 --> 00:16:17,942
Uh, not quite yet.

354
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,543
No, we'll just let
our meal settle here.

355
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:21,011
We'll have some
more water, please.

356
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:22,212
Can't get enough
water, you know.

357
00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:24,448
It's nature's
fruit juice.

358
00:16:26,751 --> 00:16:28,752
How long do you thing
it will take the kids?

359
00:16:28,753 --> 00:16:29,954
Well, it took us
40 minutes

360
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:30,988
To get here one way,

361
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:31,989
And knowing
how kelly drives,

362
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,190
They should be
here and back

363
00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:35,993
In about
eight minutes.

364
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:38,028
Well, what are we gonna
do in the meantime?

365
00:16:38,029 --> 00:16:39,897
Just drink water.

366
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,033
Got it, kel?

367
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:43,901
Got it.

368
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,308
Confused again, kel?

369
00:16:51,309 --> 00:16:53,343
Let me help.

370
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,879
Turn the knob,
then open the door.

371
00:16:57,281 --> 00:17:00,517
No, young weenie.

372
00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:02,019
You know what just dawned on me?

373
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,622
Two plus two equals four?

374
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,090
Hey, when I'm not in school,

375
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,959
I don't want to think about it,
okay?

376
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,595
No, I was just thinking.

377
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:13,396
You know, mom and dad
already got

378
00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:14,798
A great meal out of this money.

379
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,800
I mean, they not going
to enjoy it any more

380
00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:18,368
By paying for it.

381
00:17:18,369 --> 00:17:20,203
Now we can enjoy it too.

382
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:21,805
It's not too late
for tears and vomit.

383
00:17:21,806 --> 00:17:24,374
Wait a minute.
What about mom and dad?

384
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:25,976
Come on, bud.

385
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:29,312
Who's better at beating a check
than mom and dad?

386
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:31,115
God, I mean,
you were 9 before you knew

387
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:33,884
That a movie theater
had a front door.

388
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,085
Come on,
don't worry about them.

389
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:36,887
Let's go.

390
00:17:36,888 --> 00:17:38,088
You realize if we do this,

391
00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:39,890
We might not be able
to come home tonight.

392
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:42,059
Won't be a first for me.

393
00:17:46,164 --> 00:17:47,164
[playing "moon river"
on glasses]

394
00:17:47,165 --> 00:17:48,365
♪ moon river ♪

395
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:51,135
♪ wider than a mile ♪

396
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:53,871
♪ I'm crossing you in style-- ♪

397
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,540
Peg, peg, it's been
two and a half hours.

398
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:57,541
It's safe to say

399
00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:59,810
The kids have
left us here to die.

400
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,912
I can't believe the kids
would do this to us.

401
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:04,048
Yeah, like we wouldn't
do it to them.

402
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,515
[clears throat]

403
00:18:05,516 --> 00:18:07,751
Would you like
to pay the check now?

404
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,053
I'm letting
my water settle.

405
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:10,620
Go away.
Go away.

406
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:12,856
[playing tango music]

407
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,161
I got an idea.

408
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,563
You'll pardon me
if I doubt you.

409
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:21,298
And you'll pardon me
if I kill you.

410
00:18:21,299 --> 00:18:22,800
Come on, just
follow my lead.

411
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:15,418
He overflowed
the toilet.

412
00:19:18,289 --> 00:19:19,689
What are we
going to do, al?

413
00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:21,091
"what are we
going to do, al?"

414
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:22,492
"what are we
going to do, al?"

415
00:19:22,493 --> 00:19:23,894
Well, when you're
out of the bedroom,

416
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:28,431
The answers don't come easy,
do they, peg?

417
00:19:28,432 --> 00:19:29,432
I got an idea.

418
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,102
Boy, the ideas
sure come quick to you

419
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:33,703
Out of the bedroom,
don't they?

420
00:19:33,704 --> 00:19:35,939
Watch me operate.

421
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,510
Billy bob sammy jim!

422
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:43,113
Hey, you old son of a gun,
where you been all these days?

423
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:44,714
How long has it been,
six, seven years?

424
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:47,117
Well, this must be the wife.
Boy, how he's talked about you.

425
00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:49,319
Listen, this might be
a bad time to bring it up,

426
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,921
But remember
that $225.57 you owe me?

427
00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:52,555
Well, I was going
to let it slide,

428
00:19:52,556 --> 00:19:53,757
But that ruins friendships,
doesn't it?

429
00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:55,292
Oh, harold.

430
00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,427
Well, to tell the truth,
I'm a little low.

431
00:19:57,428 --> 00:19:58,461
Well, whatever you got.

432
00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:00,063
Just, you know,
5, 10 bucks, you know.

433
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:01,865
Send me the rest.
Hey, what's money among friends?

434
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:03,066
Well,
I can give you $20.

435
00:20:03,067 --> 00:20:04,101
Well,
that's just great.

436
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,102
Hey, it's been
really good--

437
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,136
Yeah, yeah, right.

438
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:07,971
Hey, joe bob jack,
you old toe-picker, you!

439
00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:12,276
How'd you do,
al?

440
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:15,112
Well,
I was up to $75,

441
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,880
Then I ran into
somebody who knew me,

442
00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:18,282
So he saw me
with the money,

443
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,483
I had to pay him
the $50 I owed him.

444
00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:23,553
Sir, it's been
three hours,

445
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,422
And we really need
this table.

446
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:28,692
We've got some nice water
for you to take home.

447
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:30,027
Pay us!

448
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:31,929
Didn't I pay?

449
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,297
It must've
slipped my mind.

450
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:34,198
Didn't I pay you?

451
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,000
Oh, well.

452
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:39,636
Listen, could you
bring me a newspaper?

453
00:20:39,637 --> 00:20:41,638
I'll be right back
with the manager, sir.

454
00:20:43,908 --> 00:20:45,408
Is it okay
to panic now, al?

455
00:20:45,409 --> 00:20:47,410
Yeah, now would be
a good time to panic, peg.

456
00:20:47,411 --> 00:20:49,012
What do you think
they'll do to us?

457
00:20:49,013 --> 00:20:50,113
Well,
it's a high-class joint.

458
00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:51,715
They'll probably
beat the hell out of me

459
00:20:51,716 --> 00:20:52,916
And toss me in a dumpster,

460
00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:54,151
But, well, you,

461
00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:55,752
You'll probably just have
to do some dishes.

462
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:58,188
Dishes?

463
00:20:58,189 --> 00:21:00,357
Me?

464
00:21:00,358 --> 00:21:01,859
No way.

465
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,026
I'm taking
charge here.

466
00:21:03,027 --> 00:21:04,027
Give me your shoes.

467
00:21:04,028 --> 00:21:05,595
What are you
talking about, peg?

468
00:21:05,596 --> 00:21:08,365
Give me
your shoes, now.

469
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,034
Sir,
if you can't pay,

470
00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:12,435
Perhaps you'd like
to discuss it with--

471
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:16,940
What's that?

472
00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:19,642
This!
Ugh!

473
00:21:21,379 --> 00:21:24,081
Okay,
everybody back.

474
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:25,983
Now,
we're busting out of here.

475
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,184
I want to see hands,
people.

476
00:21:27,185 --> 00:21:29,786
Nobody try
to be a hero.

477
00:21:29,787 --> 00:21:32,789
Oh, my god.
She's got a shoe!

478
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:35,492
Nobody comes close,
nobody gets sick.

479
00:21:40,498 --> 00:21:42,900
And I don't want to see anybody
try that again.

480
00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:44,501
Let's go, al.

481
00:21:52,143 --> 00:21:54,244
Play some happy music.

482
00:21:54,245 --> 00:21:58,615
[playing "tie a yellow ribbon
'round the old oak tree"]

483
00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,150
Let's go, al.

484
00:22:00,151 --> 00:22:01,451
Wait a second, peg.

485
00:22:04,088 --> 00:22:05,088
You know,

486
00:22:05,089 --> 00:22:06,689
I had a really nice
time tonight, honey.

487
00:22:06,690 --> 00:22:08,292
It was nice getting out
for a change.

488
00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:09,393
Uh-huh.

489
00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:11,395
Hey, you wanna make
a run for the fire escape?

490
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:12,796
You betcha.

491
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:25,475
And don't try
to follow us.

492
00:22:41,726 --> 00:22:43,427
[♪]